2 Samuel Chapter 14 Verses 1 – 3

 I’m not entirely sure why Joab would say, “Please,” to her because

what we find out later in this chapter is that he commanded her to do

this. Certainly, this would be a dangerous thing for anyone to do in

pretending to be something to deceive the king. However, the plan that

Joab has devised is very similar to what just happened between David

and Nathan so it could be that Joab was just being clever.

 Absolom being estranged from David with Amnon dead was not a

good thing for David, the people or the security of the nation. And

neither David nor Absolom had the maturity to fix things. Essentially

the relationship was deadlocked, so Joab comes up with his plan.

2 Samuel Chapter 14 Verses 4 – 11

 That last part was exactly what Joab was waiting to hear. What she

described was a murder. According to the law, the brother that

remained alive should be put to death. And essentially, David’s order

was put justice aside, shelve the law, the family was more important.

2 Samuel Chapter 14 Verses 12 – 14

 Extremely bold words and no doubt David is caught off guard but he

is dealing with a mourning widow, (or at least he thinks he is), that he

has just saved/helped the moment before, so she has him right where

she wants him to say something like this…

 And this statement she makes is one of the strongest gospel

statements in the Old Testament! “God devises means so that His

banished ones are not expelled from Him.” She is probably referring

to the cities of refuge. Six cities identified in Joshuah 20 that provided

protection specifically for those who had committed unintentional

manslaughter. She also could be referring to the sacrificial system of

Judaism where sin would be covered in the eyes of God.

 At any rate, it’s a statement with weight far beyond anything she could

have known. Sin literally banishes from the presence of God. It’s just

that simple. But God has provided in sending Jesus Christ as sufficient

payment for all sin, that being banished, I may have a path to come

home safely.

 God initiated it. God paid it. God secured it. He did all that was

required. I still had to come home though. His outstretched arms

welcome me, but I still have to return to Him. We will see David

initiate, as he should have done anyway being a man after God’s own

heart, but we will see Absolom’s defiance and David’s immaturity.

 That does bring up another point. There was no doubt sorrow over the

loss of his son Absolom but I would submit to you that the torment

came from David knowing what he should be doing but not doing it.

That’s a special kind of pain. So much so that the longer you deny, as

time goes by and the likelihood of you doing what is right goes down

due to circumstance, you sort of dull to doing what is right… That is

called hardening of your heart. And it is an absolute terrible thing…

 A heart doesn’t just harden to a specific circumstance. It just hardens.

As you become more and more ok with not doing what you should do,

and slowly you think less about it and the torment subsides, you

change. Your heart callouses… And it affects everything. A hard heart

towards a specific person or a specific circumstance yields a hard

heart. One of the worst things in this life for a person to do to

themselves…

2 Samuel Chapter 14 Verses 15 – 17

 She’s essentially saying, “You’re a good man, David. A good king. A

wise king. Surely, you’ll hear me out and bring harm to me for

challenging you in this way.”

2 Samuel Chapter 14 Verses 18 – 20

 David senses that Joab is certainly behind this! And apparently Joab

was there during this whole interaction.

2 Samuel Chapter 14 Verses 21 – 24

 Ok, a couple of things to note here. First, notice when someone isn’t

entirely the owner of an action, even if it’s the right thing to do, notice

that the goodness of it doesn’t really come about! This is the work of

Joab, not David. This is the manipulation of Joab if you will, or

perhaps one can say, the reasoning of Joab… But David’s heart isn’t

in it…

 This is a tough one. We/I want what is right to come to pass. Not only

as a principal but especially when I see it and see an opportunity for it.

But if the person/people involved, if they don’t engage, initiate, then

they’re not really in it, no matter how right it is. You can lead a horse

to water…

 The best thing for David would be for him to confront his son and

work it out. The best thing for Absolom would be for him to confront

his father and work it out. Then they’d both deepen as people and in

their relationship. They’d learn, they’d grow, they’d mature, the

kingdom wouldn’t face division…, on and on. But even though Joab

and everyone around them wants this to happen, (I mean, they put

their lives on the line for this), if David and Absolom don’t own it, it’s

not going to happen, even if its forced!

 Second thing here is an interesting point that Guzik brings up in his

commentary on this scene. Actually, many Bible commentators go this

route and talk about how David was far too lenient on his sons as they

were coming up and now that Absolom is grown, David is far too

harsh. And the point they make is this…, “When parents don’t instill

discipline and correction properly when their children are small, they

tend to overcompensate as their children become young adults and

adults in the name of “tough love.””

 It’s an overcompensation and misalignment from the child’s

upbringing when it was all about gentle correction and passivity and

now that they’re grown and not able to discipline themselves, the

parents finally parent the way they should have before. This reversal

provokes the children to wrath, as described in Ephesians 6, and

makes the parent-child relationship worse. An interesting concept to

ponder.

2 Samuel Chapter 14 Verses 25 – 26

 Ok, we are getting set up here to understand what comes next.

Absolom will start to position himself to ultimately overthrow his

father. So, we are told first how attractive he was. How he was perfect

in appearance from head to toe, which would make him more popular

to the people.

 And his hair, which was a symbol of all sorts of things, was so thick

that when he cut it, his haircut would yield six pounds of hair. Doesn’t

impress me at all, HA!

2 Samuel Chapter 14 Verses 27 - 28

 Yikes. This just gets worse and worse. Just like anything that should

be dealt with, not being dealt with… He has one daughter. Three sons,

one daughter. So, no doubt, his daughter was very special to him. And

he names her after his sister, who by the way if you recall, lives with

him. Tamar, the granddaughter of David, growing up down the street

from David, and two full years, never met her grandfather.

 This is not a picture of a dysfunctional home…, that’s just a

symptom. This is a picture of childish men… Everyone can see it.

Truly everyone is disadvantaged and hurt because of it, and no one can

do anything about it except for two people. David and or Absolom!

2 Samuel Chapter 14 Verses 29 – 32

 Incredibly childish. The prodigal son comes back humble. Absolom

comes back entitled. The prodigal son is a beautiful story of

accountability, ownership, coming to his senses, love, reconciliation

and even lavish blessing. Getting far more than you ever would have

gotten even if things had gone perfectly…

 Absolom can’t get over himself, stuck in an absolute pit of a true and

destructive personality disorder of not owning his actions. Not

choosing to handle things in a mature, grown way. And his heart is so

hardened that he expresses his own sense of justification for doing

something like setting another man’s field on fire!

2 Samuel Chapter 14 Verse 33

 That’s all we get. That’s all of the details of the interaction after five

years we have between David and Absolom. And because of it, the

next chapter is even worse. What we should have here is a few

chapters of their discussion. Their maturity in owning their parts and

them being forthcoming about how they feel and the grievances they

have against each other met with humility and hospitality. But that

would be for grown folk, for people that value each other…

 Notice the physical service is there. Absolom bows himself, David

kisses him… Doesn’t matter. The power is in the word. They didn’t

seek counsel to work it out. They didn’t discuss… And so not only

was the physical side unimportant and without any weight, it actually

makes things worse…

 Proverbs 27:6 says, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the

kisses of an enemy are deceitful.” Supportive, upholding, nurturing,

establishing, trust building are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses

of an enemy are not only worthless but they make you walk away

feeling worthless. It’s much more difficult to talk it out than to hug it

out… And if you don’t talk it out, you don’t work it out, and it’s

swallowed.

 Poison isn’t really harmful until its swallowed. You can deal with it

all day long if its on the table. It’s when it’s forced to be assimilated

within, that’s when it sickens, weakens, and can kill.

 Jesus said, (the Boss, the one we sing to as Lord and yet so few

man…., so few, this is what the King of kings said), Matthew 7:13-

14, “Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the

way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it.

Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life,

and there are few who find it.”

 Do the hard work. Not because it is right, but because you are a

worthful/valuable person. A person of value and weight of character.

People aren’t born that way, they are built that way. And the builder

is themselves. God has already given us His Word, His example, His

Spirit telling us this is right…, if anyone is going to be a person worth

their weight in the time and oxygen they take from others, it will be

because they have built that worth themselves.

 By not only doing the right things but from the abundance of the

heart the mouth speaks, from humility of the tongue. In bridging

towards others even when its hard.

 It’s either that, or its chapter 15, titled, “Absolom’s treason…” The

value/worth of both these men continues to fall…