Ephesians 5 vs 22-33 Study 1

Communication about the family and within the family…, both are critically important. My plan is to not necessarily reconstruct the Marriage Series from about five years ago, I think that was for then, its good, and it’s out there for you to go and listen to. Rather for the next three or four weeks I’d like to truly try and understand very very well these final verses of Ephesians Chapter 5. And so, I’ll be trying to communicate well the heart of the Lord and the mind of God in the context of the home, the family and specifically marriage.

Communication is so incredibly important. We have got to work to get it right so that what we are thinking, feeling, saying…, sharing that and working in and through that, we get that right too. It’s like a story I heard once of a man in Illinois. He and his wife had planned a Florida get-away in order to leave the snow covered streets of their state. He was going to go on ahead while his wife was on a business trip and she was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick text. Just setting up his new phone, he hadn’t yet transferred his contacts and so he typed her number in by memory but unfortunately got one of the numbers wrong and his text went to an elderly preacher’s wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow read the text, she fell to the floor passed out. At that sound, her family rushed to her and saw the text on her phone. “Dearest wife, I wanted to let you know that I have arrived safely. Everything is prepared for your arrival tomorrow, your loving husband. PS. It sure is hot down here!” HA!

For many or most, marriage is a three-ring circus. First comes the engagement ring, then the wedding ring and then suffering! HA! It’s a challenge for real…, and all you have to do is read the end of Ephesians Chapter 5 to know that! Reading and applying these verses can have you as a husband perhaps in the future there in the cemetery banging on the tombstone and saying, “WHY, why why!? Why did you have to die!?” And someone says, “Oh I’m so sorry you lost your wife.” And he says, “No this is my wife’s first husband!” HA!

It’s a challenge! Marriage is a REAL challenge! But met with understanding and agreement with God, you and I have a 100% chance at being successful at it and even qualifying marriage, the family and the home as the greatest privilege and blessing in all of life other than knowing Jesus personally!

Ephesians Chapter 5 Verses 25 – 33 is the widely and commonly accepted authoritative scripture set on marriage. However, I think that’s entirely problematic. Why? It’s nine verses. Nine verses! Three for wives and seven for husbands (Verse 32 is a shared verse). But that’s it!? Nine verses!? There are 23,145 verses in the Old Testament and 7,957 verses in the New Testament. Look, nine out of 31,102 verses (0.03%) doesn’t give us what we need to know about marriage. Sorry. These verses are clear, to the point, challenging and critical. The problem arises when we jump right to them and hand them out like marching orders. They lack context…

Paul has spent five and three quarters chapters before getting here, and God wrapped over 30,000 truths around these. Context truly is everything. Is the mega-need of the husband respect? Absolutely. A respected man is a delighted man. A man becomes who he is to become in an environment of respect. Is the mega-need of the wife to be loved entirely/securely and without condition? Absolutely. A cherished wife is a delighted wife. We will get to those things for sure and truly they are essential to a Godly and enjoyable home life and marriage relationship. But context is absolutely everything.

The central theme of the Book of Ephesians is the work of God. Even the parts that we are instructed to do in the later half of the book, none of them are able to be done without the power of the Holy Spirit and frankly none of them even make sense in the life of someone who is not reborn by the saving power of Jesus Christ. Walk worthy of the calling of Christ in all lowliness, gentleness, longsuffering, bear with one another….? Why!? What’s my motivation in any way to do that if I have no desire to glorify/thank God for what He has done for me in the work of the cross?

And wading into the subject of marriage is a recipe for drowning even in an inch of water without the context of the power, promises and preeminence of God at work, God will work, God has worked, God is working, and God is the worker.

So, for example. Husbands, love your wives… Why? She’s not good to me. Doesn’t respect me. Doesn’t understand me. Doesn’t serve me. Doesn’t value me. Doesn’t appreciate me. So why? You’re right, don’t. BUT, it’s through loving her that God will work. And even now, you can’t see it, you’re not allowed to see it lest you become entirely faithless, but God is working. You love her not because it is fair but in response to faith. Because without faith, God will not move in your home.

There is one word that frames it all entirely in terms of marriage. Found in Malachi 2:14. “Yet you say, “For what reason?” Because the Lord has been witness between you and the wife of your youth, with whom you have dealt treacherously; Yet she is your companion and your wife by covenant.” Marriage is a covenant, not a contract. And the blessing, work, promises and even miracles of God only function within the confines of that covenant. If you leave covenant, you forfeit the promises of God within that covenant. It’s like an umbrella. It’s raining crazy but as long as you are under that umbrella, that rain doesn’t even dampen you…but the moment you move out, you get soaked… See, context is everything…

So, nine verses. Challenging. Enlightening. But just a drop in a bucket full of context and connection with the family and the marriage relationship. When I gave a marriage series four/five years ago, we weren’t going through the Book of Ephesians, we were in 1 Corinthians. And we stopped at love to talk about the marriage relationship (1 Corinthians 13). Truly, that is the correct context to begin with again. We love because He first loved us. We forgive because He has forgiven us. We endure the details of depravity with our spouses because God endures with grace and mercy each day with us… And so, the context above all others to wade intothese verse in Ephesians with has got to be the motivation, calling, challenge and commandment of covenant and love.

It’s not primarily love for each other and covenant with each other. That’s not going to get you there. I’ve been married now for almost twenty years. And I have failed April so deeply, drastically and completely so many times to the point that I can’t expect her love for me to be the thing that enables or drums up the respect I need, the honor I need, the admiration I need to fulfil me. Admire me? She knows the worst of me?! Ok, perhaps you can but I’m just an ultra-realist. And honestly the respect I want and the admiration I want is as if I have never failed her. So how can that come forth after these many years and failures!?

Love in the home and in a marriage relationship and for your spouse must not primarily be based on your partner but on the Lord. Period. End of Line. Think of the greatest commandment given in the Bible. Love others as yourself and love the Lord. Wrong. Wrong order. In fact, so wrong in order that the commandment becomes impossible to apply. The greatest commandment given by Jesus Himself.

This is the attack of the enemy. This is the context of the 31k verses. And this is where the marriage relationship begins. God instituted marriage before the fall.  It is therefore the original, hand in hand with the man’s fellowship agape with his Creator, marriage is the original target of the enemy and number one on the hit list and hate list of Satan himself. No wonder it’s difficult, right?

You see we all have issues. Every marriage has problems.  But, as you walk with the Lord, sanctification has a reversing effect of the fall in your heart and life. I love what Tony Evans explained once, cracks in your walls cannot be fixed and more will always come, you’ll always be doing patchwork, if you do not fix the foundation that keeps shifting. That foundation is your relationship and commitment and truly your closeness with Jesus Christ.

God did not create marriage for you to find happiness and fulfillment. That is only and can only be found in a God! In fact, get ready for the flesh to be greatly enhanced! If you have a problem now, getting married will only serve to bring it to the surface! If you’re unhappy now, unfulfilled now, you will be the same as a wife…as a husband. In fact, it will be multiplied. Satan never messed with mankind until they were married…

Oh, and he will mess with you! Exploit the vast differences between a man and a woman. Here’s one example. Where do you want to go to eat? Common question from a husband, right? Common answer from the wife? Where do YOU want to go to eat? Get ready for a deep, extremely deep, theological exposition. This is going to shock you. That answer is entirely disrespectful. It’s loving, entirely loving, but intensely disrespectful! You see, we speak different languages, HA! And rather than get shocked and offended and frustrated…, learn a new language.

You have a 100% chance of being successful in marriage if you do it God’s way. 100%. What’s God’s way? You shall love the Lord with all your heart, soul, mind and strength…, and love each other the same and as yourself. Wives be like, so how am I supposed to answer that question? By answering THE question! HA! And IF you HAVE to pepper in your language, throw in an offer to be ok with something else also, but I’m telling you, we don’t like that. HA! That’s speaking your language. And I get it, we can and must learn your language too, and we do! How do you know? We don’t stop the car and tell you to walk! HA!

What’s Ephesians 5 about? The 30+k verses about? Learning a better way and that way is covenant and love. Love the Lord with your all and love each other as yourself. Learn it or not, your choice. But doing marriage God’s way, you have a 100% chance of being successful and a good, Godly, fulfilling marriage is God’s design for the closest thing to heaven He has given us on earth, that’s verse 32.

It's like this. You’re sitting at an amazing feast called marriage. All the good foods you love to eat, everything you love and need, all there contained and designed into that marriage by God Himself. And you are hungry, naturally and designed that way by God also! Across the table, which is six feet wide and full of delicacies, is your spouse. And right before digging in, you notice your utensils. Not like others you have ever see before. These are six feet long.

Try as you may, there is no way to feed yourself. And there is no way for your spouse to feed themselves. If either of you are going to get any of that feast, its going to have to be that you use your tools to feed them. Now, many if not most marriages. What do you want? I’d love some of that stuffing! HA! I hate stuffing, April loves stuffing. I plunge that spoon into that bowl of perfect stuffing, her favorite, and then I just refuse to give it to her because well, I hate stuffing! Isn’t that horrible…? Hell on earth.

Two selfless people serving each other in a covenant marriage relationship is heaven on earth, or the closest you can get. Two selfish people together set on serving themselves, neither will eat, and there’s nothing closer to hell on earth. Your choice. My choice. So, what do we do? Ephesians 5:25-33…. How do we do it? 31k verses, ALL of God, ALL of me. All in. Come back next week and let’s get busy!