Esther 7 vs 1-10

Esther Chapter 7 Verses 1 – 4

·    Esther finally makes her request of the king and all the way until now (and even now) she is entirely impressive in terms of wisdom and tact. She makes the problem personal to herself which takes humility and courage. What do I mean by that? Let me briefly explain…

·    In any relationship, poor communication puts a lock on a heart. According to one divorce law firm, over 70% of divorces report the main issue is an inability to communicate. About 60 percent of men report that their wives fail to show them appreciation while about 80 percent of women report that their husbands don’t do enough to validate their feelings or opinions.

·    We have a lot to learn from Esther in terms of communication, if you’re willing to learn it… And I hope you are. The deepest form of intimacy is effective communication. Hearing and being heard. And in most circumstances where that just happens organically, one of the parties is trying to get something. Real, authentic, genuine effective communication takes work…, always.

·    Esther personalizes the problem rather than weaponizing it against her husband. She addresses what the problem is personally doing to her rather than blaming Xerxes (who is to blame) or suggesting he is heartless and daft for causing the situation in the first place (and he is both). “My life has been disregarded along with my people.” That’s her presentation of the problem.

·    Watch this. No blame. Not yet. She will be asked for that information… But that’s what I typically go right to… Why? Because my pride wants an apology just as much (or even more) as my problem wants a solution. Apologies, they’re cheap. I’m sorry if this rubs you wrong…, but you cannot undo what has been done with any amount of apology. Apologies help…, but nothing soothes the pain except for the offended to decide to forgive. And forgiveness is the anti-venom of pride… It’s why there’s so little of it out there, because our pride is SO unconquerable…

·    A few tips that we see in Esther, and these are hard… If possible, use “I” statements instead of “You” statements. Rather than focus on what he/she did, acknowledge how it made you feel and your personal reaction to it. This keeps your offender off of the defensive because you aren’t outright blaming them but rather telling them how you feel. People react very differently when they are put on the defense. Example, instead of, “You are making us late again!,” use this gem, “I feel like my priorities aren’t being respected. Being on time is important to me.” I know, it sounds corny and proper… but sometimes wisdom feels like that.

·    Watch out for universal statements, “you always are this, you never do that…” Those are fighting words! Puts folks on the defense. Try suggesting a better action for next time. “I know I’m rushing you now, would it help if I remind you to get ready an hour earlier next time?” Or, “I know you just forgot to call me, but I don’t want this to happen again, it makes me feel let down because I was expecting you to call.”

·    Finally, avoid blame. No productive conversations start off with an approach or spirit of blame… I hate all of these! HA! As a man, I hate them. Men see the world in strictly rights and wrongs. Let’s handle the wrongs and expect the rights. So as hard as all of this is for you ladies, because it takes courage (share your feelings with someone who doesn’t necessarily care how you feel they just want to get out of trouble – that’s a special kind of rejection), it’s almost impossible for men. And what do we do men when a tool doesn’t work? We put it down and never pick it up again. HA! You gotta try, try and try again…

·    So, here’s the killer, effective healthy communication in a marriage or a relationship should be led by the male… GASP! AND, physical intimacy should be initiated and aggressed by the female. I’m giving y’all GOLD tonight! Shut the divorce courts down with those two wisdom BOMBs!! Ok, moving on!

Esther Chapter 7 Verses 5 – 6

·    Haman was a trusted friend to Ahasuerus. He was well known. He was around all the time. They had the same culture, the same kingdom, the same city, they did the same things, they had almost everything in common and were for all intents and purposes the best of friends. But one thing made Haman the adversary and the enemy… He was not a faithful brother, a faithful friend, because he was more concerned with his own interests than what was best for Ahasuerus.

·    This is the difference between someone who God has given you as a true friend and someone who just simply is not. And before you cast your judgment towards others, are you a true friend truly to anyone yourself? This is a commandment of the Christian, mind you.

·    Paul said in Philippians 2:3-4, “Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.” 1 Corinthians 10:24, “Let no one seek his own, but each one the other’s well-being.” Romans 12:10, “Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another.”

·    This is the heart of God, put on display at the promising, the coming, the living, the ministering, and the dying of Jesus Christ. That while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us… And that ought to be our heart as well if we are truly followers of Christ. If we ourselves truly know Him…

·    You don’t and can’t do this to everyone you meet, that’s just simply not practical. However, for those that you are called to minister to, to your friends, sheesh at least to your spouse, are you, (be honest now), are you in danger of being not a blessing to them as you should be but even an adversary and the enemy!? This phrase by Esther in the Hebrew literally means, “The champion of your personal foes.” The lead enemy of you…

·    Joe Focht of Calvary Chapel Philadelphia, one of the leaders of the Calvary Chapel Association, and a man whom I admire and trust entirely, says that there is a numerical pattern in the phrase, “This wicked Haman,” which equates to the number 666…

·    All of the preparation, the fasting, the prayer, the planning, the groundwork has culminated into this moment. It’s Esther, the king and Haman and Esther in this one moment reveals to the king her problem, her petition and her ethnicity, that she herself is a Jew.

Esther Chapter 7 Verse 7

·    What was the look that Xerxes gave Haman in that moment of shock. When it was revealed that his brother, his trusted friend, had twisted his own words and plotted in secret to take away the wife of the king… Haman knew he had moments to live…

Esther Chapter 7 Verse 8

·    There is something respectable in the unity of Xerxes’ house. He makes this statement of Haman and before the sentence is finished leaving his lips, his servants stop the capabilities of the champion of foes in his life. There’s goodness there. Something, perhaps the greatest something in me, that I desire of those close to me and I desire to be for those close to me…

·    What is it or who is it that the enemy has dispatched to cause great harm? Do I have to ask for help or are they on guard and ready without notice? Am I willing to take someone aside that is harming another and gently yet confidently ask them to stop, correct them and encourage them to be better? Or am I leaving my friend to handle their own problems? Maybe it’s one of my many scars from when I was 5 years old looking for someone to cover me when I was so terrified… Maybe it’s because I have found this to be so rare in life… This is just one of those instances perhaps of a Bible verse and scene that speaks personally to me. I love the fact that Xerxes real friends show up when his false friends are revealed… And they put a bag over his head…

Esther Chapter 7 Verse 9 – 10

·    It’s interesting that there is a clear Biblical pattern and truth in life that what you do to others ultimately does come back upon you. I quoted this verse on Sunday, and while true we do not get what we deserve at all in terms of how God ultimately has dealt with our sin through Christ and how God is constantly looking to bless us in our lives, Galatians 6:7 is just simply a rule of life, “Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap.”

·    We see this time and time again through the pages of scripture… Jacob tricked his father and brother and then while living in the house of Laban, Jacob was tricked. Paul stood in approval and taking part in the stoning of Stephen and later it was Paul while preaching in Lystra that was stoned. Pharoah drowned all of the Hebrew male children and what happened to Pharoah? Drowned in the Red Sea… Haman creates the gallows for Mordecai and yet he hangs on them himself… It’s amazing how sometimes people get so upset when they are treated the way they treat others… But ultimately, that which you give is that which you receive in terms of earthly relationships…

·    Just one of SO many outstanding lessons we learn as we continue our in-depth study of this book!!